30 Signs You Have The Soul Of An Old Lady

1. You love baking, and watching the Bake Off on telly is the highlight of your week
2. You carry sweets in your handbag at all times
3. Or even better, you carry cough drops or Werther’s originals in your handbag at all times
4. You’re very forgetful
5. You have more than 3 pairs of hand-knitted socks
6. You were the one who knitted them
7. You get emotional watching Location, Location, Location
8. You love a bit of village gossip
9. You enjoy playing bingo
10. You take getting your minimum of 8 hours of sleep very seriously
11. You’d choose a cup of PG tips over vodka any day
12. You own several shirts with floral patterns on them
13. You always force-feed your friends and family when they visit
14. Mary Berry is your ultimate role model
15. You own a heated blanket
16. Your cat is your best friend
17. You call people “hun”, “dear” or “love”
18. You get excited by crossword puzzles
19. People always ask you for advice
20. You can’t stand for too long without your back starting to hurt
21. You don’t remember the last time you went to a club
22. You haven’t heard any of the songs that are currently in the top 10 of the charts
23. But you know pretty much every single 80s song ever written
24. You love gardening
25. You always wear the same perfume
26. You always know what the royal family is up to
27. You still send letters and thank you cards
28. Tea time is your favourite time of the day
29. You always order the same thing at restaurants
30. Everyone loves you for your kindness, loving nature and baking skills

Source: bellanaija

My Favourite Jokes!

As everyone who’s friends with me knows all too well, I’m a complete pun-enthusiast and always try my best to come up with a new one in any given situation. Thus, here are some of my best creations: 

What’s brown, tastes good on bread and designs fashion? Donutella Versace

What do you call a very handsome manager? Exe-cute-ive!

What does an ambitious Scandinavian say to his rival at a competition? ‘There’s Norway I’m letting you beat me!’

Why did Piglet look into the toilet? Because he was searching for Pooh

What do you call a vet who specialises in canines? A dogtor

What do you call it when a gay person takes over the planet? Conqueering the world

Why do vegans not like romantic movies? Because they’re too cheesy

What did the briefcase say when the purse asked it how it was doing? ‘I’m feeling sbagtecular!’

This guy from the Rolling Stones keeps making fun of everyone, it seems like he really enjoys taking the mickey.

What is Shrek responsible for when throwing a party with his friends? The ogrenisation

What did Stevie Nicks say when she logged into Mick Fleetwood’s computer without his permission? ‘Fleetwood Hack!’

What do you call it when a specific Asian country becomes a sovereign state? Indiapendence

I don’t get why some people take their cuppa without any milk or sugar, that must taste so teadious.

What do you call an angel that makes you feel better? A cheerub

Which is the most idiotic stylistic device? Oxy-moron

What do you call a furry animal that takes selfies with an app and sends them to people? A Snapcat

10 Signs You Are Way Too Lazy

1. You consider “procrastinating” your biggest talent
2. You haven’t made your bed in about 2 years
3. You have installed a fridge right next to your bed so you don’t have to stand up to get food
4. You don’t remember what your bedroom floor actually looks like cause it’s completely covered in rubbish and you haven’t cleaned up in ages
5. You had to repurchase your favourite shirt as the old one got lost in the depths of your wardrobe
6. You always leave the teabag in because you’d rather live with the consequence that your tea tastes disgusting than to actually get up and remove it
7. You’ve ordered so many pizzas that you’re on first-name-basis with the delivery guy
8. You’ve sat through a film about rodents in Peru and a show about two old ladies going to the supermarket just because you couldn’t be bothered to reach for the remote that was lying only metres away from you
9. You only talk in abbreviations and unfinished sentences, correct language is overrated anyways
10. You can’t remember the last time you washed the dishes and you are currently eating soup with a fork since you’ve run out of spoons

10 signs that you spend too much time on Tumblr

1. You can’t hold a conversation with someone without telling them that what they’re saying is offensive at least twice

2. Whenever you try to tell a joke, people stare at you in confusion and whisper things like “What the hell is she even talking about, does she really think that’s funny?” to each other while you need to sit down to catch your breath cause you’ve been laughing about the pun for 10 minutes already

3. You’ve seen every “new” meme your friends are excited about and show you on their phones 2 years ago

4. You love cats more than your best friends and family

5. When someone asks you about your religion, you answer with “Fall Out Boy”

6. You can’t remember the last time you have been fully rested

7. You know the storyline of every existing tv show, including those you haven’t seen one episode of

8. You have the greatest desire to travel, yet never leave your house except if you run out of food

9. You love black clothes because their colour matches your soul

10. People constantly ask you whether you own a boat company because you keep talking about ships