As you might have read in one of my recent posts, I’ve lately set myself the goal to start writing fiction again. Until I was around 11 or 12, I was obsessed with coming up with stories, but unfortunately stopped writing since I had too much to do at school and was busy doing other things.
As I enjoyed it so much when I was younger, I reckoned it would be a good idea to get back to writing, but it turns out that that’s not as easily done as said. So far, I’ve only managed two short stories and one poem that is honestly too rubbish to publish (Wow, that rhymed! Maybe i’m a great poet after all?), so it’s not going very well.
Nevertheless, I thought I’d share this one with you; I know it’s not exactly a masterpiece and probably has one of the worst storylines in history, but it’s my first attempt, so please don’t judge me too much! It’s called “Yellow” and is inspired by the same-named Coldplay song, so maybe listen to that while reading if you like. 🙂 xx
I was sitting in Geography class, doodling in my polka-dotted notebook to prevent me from falling asleep, when my best friend Lola jogged my elbow for the fourth time in twenty minutes. “Hector? HECTOR?” “Yeah…” “You’re coming to that party with me, aren’t you? The one I told you about? The important one? The one that might actually change my life?” My stomach turned.
If there’s one thing that scares me more than giant spiders and the inevitability of death, it’s parties.
Why, you ask? Well, I can’t quite explain it either. The only one I’ve ever been to in my 16 years of life was the do my mum organised for my nan’s 80th birthday celebration and I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count, but despite having zero experience with it, the idea of being surrounded by lots of new people and having to dance to loud music I don’t even like freaks me out more than anything else.
However, I knew there was no way for me to get out of this one. Lola had been on about it ever since Marie, the girl she had fancied since 8th grade, had invited her and kept telling me that she wasn’t gonna survive this without my support. And since letting my best friend down seemed like an even worse option than facing my fear, I had no choice but to agree.
During the following days, the party was the only thing Lola talked about and with every time she mentioned it, my fright grew and grew. By the time we were standing in front of the house and were ready to go in, I was a nervous wreck and once I stepped inside, all I wanted was to turn on my heel and run away as fast as I could. But I stayed nonetheless.
For the first half an hour, I followed Lola around the house while she stopped every few metres to excitedly chat to one group of people after the other. I felt awful. Why was it so easy for her to talk to people, even those she barely knew?
Soon enough, she spotted Marie dancing with some of her friends in the centre of the living room and looked at me quizzically to ask whether I’d be fine on my own. Although I was indeed anything but that, I gave her a quick encouraging wink and a not-so-convincing smile before pushing my way through the merry party set to sit down on an empty chair in the corner of the room.
It felt quite surreal, sitting there all by myself. As if I wasn’t quite there and all the people laughing, drinking and talking around me were actually part of a completely different world. I didn’t belong here, and maybe I didn’t belong anywhere.
Why was it that I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy the things everyone else seemed to love? Was I doing something wrong because I didn’t feel like getting wasted, kissing different people every weekend and not remembering anything the next morning? Am I a failure for rather being alone watching films in my bedroom on a Friday night than meeting up with others and going out? For preferring to bake brownies with my mum and little sisters to going on dates with someone my age? Or for rather wasting away my weekends creating a perfect life for my stupid Sims characters than living my own?
I let my eyes wander, envying every single person in the room for getting their jollies and hating myself for not being blithe like them.
My head started to ache from the dance tunes that were nothing but noise in my ears and I think I spotted Marie and Lola kiss on the other side of the room, unable to be happy for my friend since all those glum thoughts still occupied my mind. I started to get angry. Angry at everyone here for having the time of their lives, at the world for being unfair, but most of all, at myself for being so miserable.
Wrapped in thought, it took me more than a minute to realise that a timid looking boy with bright blue hair and round purple glasses had sat down on a chair a few metres away from me. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for him or because he reminded me of myself, but despite not having felt like talking to anyone a few seconds ago, I inched a bit closer to him.
“H-hey, you all right?”, I stuttered, unsure of what to say.
“Yeah, I guess so… thanks”, he responded hesitantly. “I’m Finn”
“Nice to meet you, Hector. You’ve got a cool name”
“Seriously? I think it’s quite ridiculous”, I smirked, and he smiled back, suppressing a giggle.
“Do you… do you wanna go get some air?”
Slightly anxious and not completely understanding what was happening and what the boy was up to, I followed him outside. It was completely dark when we left the house, the small patio only illuminated by the beams of light shining through the windows and the stars in the distance. Finn sat down on a bench with his back facing me and looked up at the sky.
“That’s better.”, he sighed in relief, turning his head in my direction and patting the space next to him, prompting me to sit down.
“It is”, I agreed as I let myself fall onto the bench, our arms brushing against each other.
“I bloody hate parties”, he announced, yawning.
“Me, too. I’d never thought I’d find someone who agrees with me on that, though”
“Well, I do. You know, I feel like people would be a lot happier if they spent their nights stargazing instead of dressing up every Friday night, going to parties like this one and getting rat-arsed to forget about the crap that’s going on in their lives”
I giggled. “Jeez, you sound like a character from an indie movie. Apart from those curse words, obviously” He grinned at me again, dimples showing and his tired eyes lighting up a bit.
“I know I do. But it’s true, isn’t it? Give it a try.”
The distant music from the party was still audible and the brisk air smelled like the beginning of spring, but when I looked up at the million stars above me, I lost track of everything around me. I felt small, but not in a depreciating way.
Blinding out my surroundings, I mulled over the same ideas again, this time from a slightly different perspective. Maybe I was wrong for putting myself down for not being able to enjoy the party? Perhaps it didn’t matter whether I spent my weekends on parties or alone in my room as long as what I was doing made me happy in some way?
Of course, I was different, but why would that make me a waste of space? I was one small puzzle piece making up this enormous, beautiful universe and for the first time in ages, I liked being myself.
Completely at ease, I rested my head on Finn’s shoulder, who was already snoring peacefully next to me. Even though I had no idea whether we were ever gonna see each other again after tonight and we were technically still strangers, I was so grateful to be there with him. I softly hummed the first lines of my favourite Coldplay song into his ear before I took one last look at the night sky and closed my eyes.
“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you”